The first time I decided to become a runner, I was about 8 years old. I went outside in the middle of the afternoon in Florida in a dress and dress shoes and tried to run around my entire neighborhood block (the distance of about 1/4 mile). I simply walked out my front door and started running as fast as I could. It was hot, and my feet hurt, and my lungs hurt. I was also obese. I think I weighed about 115 pounds by that time, and had done very little physical activity before that point in my life.
Needless to say, I could not make it all the way around the block without stopping and I decided that I was not able to run so I quit and didn’t try again for a long time. One could say that I had lost my will to run.
But how, exactly, did that happen? I don't think that anyone read my anecdote above and believed I was going to be successful that day. So we intuitively know how most of these things end, but how? I believe it comes down to the fact that my wealth of will was sabotaged by my lack of wealth in several other areas.
For example, I didn’t have the wealth of knowledge that would allow me to understand that I should warm up before exercising, and not run in the middle of the day in the Florida heat. I didn’t have the wealth of belongings in order to run in more comfortable and appropriate attire. I didn’t have the wealth of experience to allow me to understand that running longer than a sprint took time and practice and that I needed to build up to running a long distance by starting with smaller goals, or the wealth of health that would allow me to do so.
I didn’t understand that becoming a long-distance runner would not happen immediately simply because I willed it to.
On one hand, it's easy to look back on that time in my life and chuckle, but how many times since then have I done something similar only to sabotage my will rather than nurture it? The answer is: A lot.
One of the greatest ways to create debt in our wealth of will is by starting out with goals and expectations that do not have the steps in place to adequately compensate for the lack of all the other wealths we need to be successful.
High, Unrealistic Expectations
One of the fastest ways to destroy our will is to set our expectations so carelessly or so unrealistically high that we deplete our desire to accomplish something long before we achieve our dreams. It’s ok to have lofty or long-term goals, but without nurturing our will along the way we are likely to give up or get distracted. Without becoming aware of and working with lapses in our other types of wealth, we are likely to feel trapped and decide that our goal was ridiculous and cast it aside. By setting a high expectation, or even any expectation we are creating a debt in our wealth of will. That’s not necessarily bad, but it does have an effect.
Common ways that we let unrealistic expectations deplete our will:
1. Starting a business without a wealth of experience or resources such as a network of potential clients.
2. Entering into a relationship without a wealth of time or a wealth of skill such as the ability to listen.
3. Beginning a new exercise routine without an adequate wealth of health or belongings such as proper running shoes.
In many cases, we not only have our own expectations potentially working against us, but the expectations of others or of society as well. Children in school, for example, rarely start a school year free from expectations from others that far surpass many if not all of their current states of wealth. No wonder children often lose interest, or their will, to do well in school. Not only do they not have all the other types of wealth needed to succeed, but typically neither do their teachers or support system at home. But... that's a discussion for another day. :)
Holding on When It's Time to Let Go
Sometimes we lose our will to accomplish something for good reasons, and we need to listen to those reasons. We learn, have new experiences, grow, and change, and that means that what we want and need at age 10 is not the same as when we are 15 or 50. So it makes sense and it’s healthy that we face and acknowledge a loss of desire to do certain things, or a depletion in our wealth of will. Not all loss of will is bad, however, it's the lack of acknowledgement that potentially keeps us stuck in a weak helpless state for months, years or sadly even our entire lifetimes.
How often have we clung to a goal, a job, a person, or a past decision even though doing so is readily depleting all of our various types of wealth like our time, spirit, energy, and health?
Wouldn't it be more productive if we could learn how to either rekindle or refocus our will so as to generate a wealth of it rather than a debt?
Investing our will into situations that are not working without getting answers is like investing all of our money into a project that is constantly losing money. There will be consequences, and an experience of loss that at one point or another will have to be acknowledged.
Ignorance
We usually set unrealistic goals out of ignorance because we see someone else who has achieved something similar, and we don’t know about all the things that person did in order to succeed. So unless we are prepared to educate ourselves, we run the risk of depleting our will
Similarly, ignorance comes into play when we attempt something that requires more than just will to accomplish. Our goal or project may require other types of wealth such as resources, experience, community, and time. But if we walk into a situation thinking that all we needed to succeed was the desire to do so, we will likely find ourselves depleted, defeated, and giving up before the real work of our will was even put to the test.
Having the will to accomplish something is like having a large pile of money. Would you invest a large sum of money into a project without educating yourself on it first? Not likely, then why should we do that with our precious will?
Avoiding
Avoiding is another way we might create a debt of will in our lives. When we don't use our will to act on those things that we believe are important to us, we create debt. Most of us agree that family, friends and our health are important, but failing to focus our will in those things can lead to deep feelings of regret which sap our will and a lack of support or capability which makes change even more challenging.
In other words, not only should we invest in all of our various types of wealth, but we must in order to avoid depleting our will.
When we avoid consciously directing our will we likely end up in a debt of will just as when we do not keep close tabs on how we spend our money, we end up over-drafting on our accounts.
So, how do we maintain the experience of having a wealth of will? My next bog entry will focus on that very topic!
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